The Silent Struggle: Acknowledging the Migrant’s Mental Load
Beyond the visible challenges of adapting to a new country lies a silent, often unacknowledged burden: the migrant’s mental load. For Sri Lankans in Canada or the UK, this is more than just missing the warmth of the sun or the taste of home-cooked rice and curry. It is the invisible weight of carrying two lives on one pair of shoulders—the one they are building and the one they left behind.
This mental load is a constant, humming background noise of responsibility and worry. It is the pressure to succeed, not just for oneself, but for the family back home whose hopes are pinned on your journey. Every financial decision is weighed against the need to send remittances. Every personal struggle is often hidden to avoid causing distress to aging parents who must only hear of success and stability. This creates a profound sense of duality, where one must project an image of strength and prosperity, even while battling internal feelings of loneliness or inadequacy.
The core of this struggle includes:
- The Guilt of Distance: The persistent ache of missing significant family events—weddings, funerals, and birthdays. It’s the constant worry for the health and safety of loved ones, a worry that a simple phone call can amplify but rarely resolve.
- The Cultural Tightrope: The exhausting effort of navigating new social norms, workplace etiquette, and communication styles while trying to preserve one’s cultural identity. This constant code-switching is a significant cognitive drain.
- The Burden of Being the “Anchor”: Acting as the emotional and financial anchor for family back in Sri Lanka, all while trying to find your own footing on unfamiliar ground.
Acknowledging this silent struggle is the first step toward healing. It validates the complex emotional reality of migration, moving the conversation beyond simple homesickness to recognise the profound and multifaceted mental effort required to build a new life far from home.
Taming Homesickness: Bridging the Miles to Sri Lanka
The ache for home can be profound. It’s more than just missing people; it’s a deep longing for the familiar warmth of the island, the symphony of sounds from a bustling street, the scent of jasmine and the sea, and the taste of a home-cooked meal. For Sri Lankans in Canada or the UK, this feeling can feel particularly sharp against the backdrop of a different culture and climate. But you can build a bridge back to the heart of Sri Lanka, even from thousands of miles away.
Create a Sanctuary of Familiarity
Transform your living space into a comforting echo of home. Your kitchen can be a powerful portal; cooking a fragrant chicken curry, rolling string hoppers, or preparing a spicy sambol can instantly transport your senses. Seek out local South Asian grocery stores for authentic ingredients. Beyond food, surround yourself with things that bring you joy:
- Play your favourite Sinhala or Tamil music playlists.
- Decorate with batiks, traditional masks, or photographs of loved ones and familiar landscapes.
- Celebrate cultural and religious festivals like Avurudu, Thai Pongal, or Vesak in your own way, even on a small scale.
Stay Connected, Intentionally
Technology is your ally. Schedule regular video calls with family and friends back home. Don’t just talk—share experiences. Cook a meal together over video, watch a teledrama simultaneously, or simply have them on the call as you go about your day. Seeing familiar faces and hearing your mother tongue regularly can significantly ease the sense of distance.
Find Your Community
You are not alone. Seek out local Sri Lankan community associations, cultural centres, or religious institutions like a vihara, kovil, church, or mosque. Attending events or simply connecting with others who share your heritage provides a powerful support system. Sharing stories, celebrating festivals together, and speaking in your native language with new friends can create a vibrant ‘home away from home’. It’s about weaving the vibrant threads of Sri Lanka into the fabric of your new life, creating a beautiful blend of two worlds.
From Sunshine to Snowfall: Surviving Winter and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Leaving the consistent, warm sunshine of Sri Lanka for the long, dark winters of Canada or the UK is one of the most jarring transitions for new migrants. This is more than just a change in temperature; it’s a profound shift that can deeply affect your mood and energy levels. The persistent grey skies and short daylight hours can trigger what is known as the “winter blues,” or a more serious condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
SAD is a type of depression that’s related to the change in seasons. Symptoms often include persistent low mood, a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, irritability, low energy, and difficulty concentrating. It’s a real and valid challenge, especially when compounded by homesickness and the stress of adapting to a new country.
However, there are proactive steps you can take to manage the winter months and protect your mental wellbeing:
- Embrace the Light: Maximise your exposure to natural daylight. Try to go for a walk during the brightest part of the day, even if it’s cold and cloudy. Sit near windows when you are indoors. Some people find light therapy lamps (SAD lamps) very helpful.
- Stay Active: Exercise is a powerful mood booster. While it’s tempting to stay inside, physical activity releases endorphins that combat feelings of lethargy. Join a gym, try an indoor class, or even find a winter sport to embrace the season.
- Maintain Social Connections: Winter can tempt you to hibernate, deepening feelings of isolation. Make a conscious effort to connect. Schedule video calls with loved ones in Sri Lanka, meet a friend for a warm drink, or join a local community group.
- Create a Cozy Sanctuary: Make your home a warm, inviting space. Use warm lighting, comfortable blankets, and enjoy nourishing, hot meals and drinks like a comforting cup of spiced tea.
Remember, acknowledging the difficulty of winter is the first step. By actively incorporating these strategies, you can bring your own warmth and light to the colder months. If your feelings of sadness persist, seeking support from a doctor or mental health professional is a sign of strength.
Building Your New Village: Overcoming Isolation and Finding Support
Leaving the vibrant, close-knit communities of Sri Lanka can make life in Canada or the UK feel incredibly isolating. The social fabric you once took for granted is gone, and the quiet individualism can be a stark contrast, especially during the cold, dark winters. The key to navigating this loneliness is to proactively build your new village—a network of support that provides comfort, connection, and a sense of belonging.
It takes courage to put yourself out there, but even small steps can make a huge difference. Here are a few ways to start laying the foundation for your new community:
- Connect with the Diaspora: Seek out local Sri Lankan community centres, cultural associations, and religious institutions like a Vihara or church. Attending events and festivals is a wonderful way to hear familiar languages, enjoy the taste of home, and meet people who understand your journey.
- Explore Your Hobbies: Join a local club or group that aligns with your interests. Whether it’s a book club, a hiking group, a sports team, or a pottery class, shared activities are a natural way to form friendships beyond your cultural community.
- Leverage Technology Wisely: Use social media groups for Sri Lankan expats in your city to find events and connect with others. While video calls with family are essential, remember to balance them with fostering in-person relationships in your new home.
- Volunteer Your Time: Giving back to your local community is a powerful way to meet like-minded people and build a sense of purpose and connection to your new surroundings.
Remember, building deep, meaningful friendships takes time. Start with a simple “hello” to a neighbour or a chat with a colleague. Each small interaction is a brick in the foundation of your new village. Be patient with yourself and the process; you have the strength to create a supportive community that will help you thrive.
